Saturday, September 30, 2006
hmm can't think of a title. feeling so tired.. lethargic and just plain sian.
i wanna just let go and enjoy life! and i promise myself i will do that when cheryl, di, daph and yj are back in dec.. gonna save up so that i can just not care abt a shit (and maybe give my student a break cos tution is so so draining) at all, and just have fun..
not that i'm bogged down by work. having the recess week now, but instead of clearing my backlog and catching up, i've been slacking away and trying to escape work. think i've watched abt 40hrs of hk/jap/korean drama serials and anime this week -_- keep worrying abt school, abt how everyone seems to be much better than me, how my lack of presentation skills will pull grade, etc etc etc. feels like there are alot of things weighing me down now that i can't seem to identify, but i just feel so .... maybe it's all just an excuse.
sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sighhhhhhhhhhhhh
12:10 AM |
1 possessed
Monday, September 25, 2006
[ =D ]
this is so amusing =D am talking to my bro on msn now, when he's in the room opposite, cos i'm too lazy to move and ask him in person..
i love my home wireless network! =DDDD but the new laptop is giving me probs =(
2:22 AM |
1 possessed
Sunday, September 24, 2006
[ half-starved ]
my stupid gum is making my life miserable.. it itches like crazy, bleeds randomly, and hurt sometimes, making me suspect that 1)it's infected, and 2) the stitches have burst. it's this great fear that makes me eat reallllly carefully, barely chew but just swallow almost immediately whatever goes into my mouth, and avoid everything that my dentist told me to.. so i've been living on mainly carbs - fries, mainly. rosti, porridge, a bit of rice, bread (or burgers that i can pinch into tiny piece) i can't chew much on meat and esp MUSHROOMS. my god they're killing me -_- so.. i'm perpetually HUNGRY =( and i'm STILL craving for my green tea snowskin mooncakes =( but so DAMN utterly broke.. so... basically i'm just feeling whiny now =D STARVING!!!!! and i had a large dinner!!!!!!!!! =(
oh the dinner for eric's mum went quite well in the end.. and well, had some sudden insights on some recently occurring issues.. it never really occurred to me that life really needs alot of hard work..been taking it too easy the past 20+ years, just getting by marginally.. and then wondering (and whining) why the hell life isn't better for me.. for now, my life is in one of the low valleys.. and the only way out is to work hard from now! and quit whining!!! so a major revamp of my life (at least, the planning =p) is coming up..
yj's gone! =( she'll be back in abt 3 mths time, hopefully.. and so will the rest! my hols start in the beginning of dec, and i was thinking of getting a holiday attachment, but that'll be so sad, esp since i only have 1 mth with them.. sigh. i hate having to choose and making sacrifices!!!
oh as for sch.. woah i feel totally useless in sch and really stupid.. doesn't help that i feel no motivation WHATSOEVER to study and read my text.. and i keep ponning lectures!!!! -_- i never seem to participate in class at all cos i don't know anything so i can't contribute in group discussions, nor ask qns during presentations... AND!!! i REALLY HATE my lack of speaking skills! i TOTALLY freeze up and speedtalk through my presentations, so my grades are really quite sad now =( whywhywhywhywhy don't i have the calmness and the confidence to speak in front of pple!!!!!!!!!!! -slaps self-
a good fren was actually advising me not to go to smu (i'm planning to apply for smu law next year) assuming that they want me, of cos.. he said that ntu is better for me cos i'm able to be outstanding now, but in smu, i'll be overshadowed, and it's so competitive, so i won't be able to shine. but..but... i don't feel like i'm outstanding now.. everyone i know are much much faster on the uptake than me, and i seem to be the only one confused all the time.. not to mention how slack i am............... i feel like i'm floundering and struggling to survive now. argh. must put in more effort!!!!!!!!
such a fragmented post =p i'm STILL HUNGRY!!!!! =(
3:01 AM |
1 possessed
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
[ i found that stupid song~!! ]
Remember that song i mentioned previously, the one that sounded like dani california? well, it suddenly occurred to me - country house by blur! i KNEW i had it.. heh happy!! i love that song, it makes me so happy!
anyway, on a less cheerful note, i'm bleeding to death from a TINY.. prob 2-3cm wound in my mouth -_-'' i just removed that stupid molar after everything cos the dentist said the tooth is too weak for the root canal to be successful (that means that after wasting all the money on the root canal, i'll prob have to extract the stupid tooth anyway in the near future) and MY GOD. there wasn't enough anaesthesia, so it was DAMN PAINFUL when he tried to remove the tooth the first time round o_O the needles for the injections were SO LONG!! and the pliers are SO HUGE!!! i didn't dare to open my eyes while he was stitching the wound up cos it was just too scary -_- and now the anaesthesia is wearing off.. shit i hope it doesn't hurt too much =( so no extremely hot nor cold food, no spicy food, no hard liquor, and the stitches will come off in a week.. if i don't bleed to death first -_-
now i have 5 teeth less than that in a normal set of teeth!
5:05 PM |
0 possessed
[ crunch week is over! ]
finally! my 4 presentations and 2 quizzes (for the 6 modules i take this sem) is over.. all in the span of 4 days, and that's not including the tutorials and lectures -_-''
and cheryl's back!!!!!!!!!! =D but yj's going away soon.... =( can't wait for december, when everyone will be back!!
i'm so crazy over dramas now. the tv is really EVIL man -_- i LOVE LOVE LOVE GOKUSEN 2!!!!!!!!! (go borrow from yj if u wanna watch) =D there's this super cool guy who's damn cute =D but it's just eye candy... now i'm dying to watch all his dramas! =D and of cos there's teppei's lovely complex movie too =D (do ask yj and i to educate u on them if u're interested.. yj's crazy over teppei too =D )
anyway, on a less airhead note -_- i'm so glad we managed to meet up so many times this weekend! =D it was fun to window shop (and try on clothes only to be abandoned in the dressing room......................) talk abt books that we'll never end up writing =pp go crazy over letter sets and stickers -_- and of cos, over teppei and mocomichi in kino heh =D i love spending time with pple i don't have to go to grea lengths to dress up and force myself to make conversation or try to project a more docile image of who i really am =D love u guys!!!
1:30 AM |
0 possessed
Thursday, September 14, 2006
[ how do i get this out? ]
my friend passed away 2 nights ago. it's a family friend's son, but i've always been close to their family, especially his cousin and brother. i have no idea what to say to them. honestly speaking, i know there's nothing that i can say. when my uncle passed away 2 years ago, i didn't need any words. but it doesn't stop me from wanting. what can i say that is neutral enough, yet conveys my concern? "please take care". i feel so utterly useless. for a long time, although we didn't meet up much, she and i were good friends, 3 of us were. but now it's all fallen apart, and there's this awkwardness between us. and when i see her crying, there is just something that stops me from going over to console her.
it's not the first friend's wake that i've been to these few years.
and it makes me wonder.
if life is so fragile and so precious, why do i still harbour those thoughts whenever we fight?
12:11 AM |
0 possessed
Thursday, September 07, 2006
[ - ]
desire makes everything blossom, possession makes everything wither and fade
5:36 PM |
0 possessed
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
[ sucked into the world of online shopping ]
omg... i wanna buy!!!!!!! the stuff at fredflare's are so amazing! =D
is my bday here yet? is it coming soonnnnn.... look at all the things i wanna get -_-''
topbraceletHermesy Totefredflare's!berms-goes off to drool some more-
6:46 PM |
1 possessed
[ but i need you ]
doesn't it occur to u that though u can happily detach urself from anything that would have a negative impact on u, this doesn't happen for me? that when u hang up and go to sleep while i'm upset, it'll affect me so much that i can't resume studying and thus lead to all the negative repercussions that occured today?
yeah i know, too bad for me that i can't detach right.
2:14 AM |
0 possessed
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
[ why am i doing this instead of my econs tutorial ]
珊瑚海
海平面遠方開始陰霾
悲傷要怎麼平靜純白
我的臉上
始終挾帶
一抹淺淺的無奈
你用唇語說你要離開
(心不在)
那難過無聲慢了下來
洶湧潮水
你聽明白
不是浪而是淚海
轉身離開 (你有話說不出來)
分手說不出來
海鳥跟魚相愛
只是一場意外
我們的愛(給的愛)
差異一直存在(回不來)
風中塵埃(等待)
竟累積成傷害
轉身離開
分手說不出來(分手說不出來)
蔚藍的珊瑚海
錯過瞬間蒼白
當初彼此(你我都)
不夠成熟坦白(不應該)
熱情不再(你的)
笑容勉強不來
愛深埋珊瑚海
毀壞的沙雕如何重來
有裂痕的愛怎麼重蓋
只是一切
結束太快
你說你無法釋懷
貝殼裡隱藏什麼期待
(等花兒開)
我們也已經無心再猜
面向海風
鹹鹹的愛
嘗不出還有未來
Coral Sea
(Jay) It begins to become grey at a far away place on the ocean
How can sadness be tranquil and pure white?
My face
Still holds
A bit of shallow helplessness
(Lara) You mouthed that you have to leave
(Your heart is not here)
That sadness slows down without a sound
The turbulent tide
You understand after hearing
It’s not the wave but the sea of tears
(Both) Turn around and leave
(You have words you can't say)
Can’t say break up
The sea crow and fish love each other
It was only an accident
Our love
(The love's given out)
Difference existing all along
(Can't come back)
The dust in the wind
(Waiting)
Unexpectedly accumulates into hurt
(Both) Turn around and leave
(Can’t say break up)
Can’t say break up
The sky blue Coral Sea
Missing the momentary paleness
At that time you and I
(You and I both)
Were not mature and honest enough
(Shouldn’t)
The passion is not there anymore
(Your)
A smile can't be forced
Love is deeply buried in the Coral Sea
(Jay) How can the devastated sand carving be rebuilt?
How can love that has cracks be covered up?
It was only that everything
Ended too fast
You say you can’t set your mind to rest
(Lara) What expectation is hidden in the shell?
(Waiting for the flower to blossom)
We both already have no mood to guess
Facing the sea wind
The salty love
I can’t taste what future there still is
2:23 AM |
2 possessed
[ what can i say ]
electrico's runaway's in my head. but what irrelevant lyrics.
1:51 AM |
0 possessed
