obsession / / p o s s e s s i o n

Friday, May 27, 2005

[ leaving on a jet plane? ]

ok, if you guys noticed the lack of self-praise over my cooking, it's cos i fell sick on fri: diarrhoea and fever. i'm VERY sure it's not my cooking cos my bro's still fine =p and he's got a weaker stomach than me (i think =) pasta on fri was such a disappointment, cos the new brand of pasta sauce that i tried was TERRIBLE. it stank!!! both eric and my bro looked a lil green ='(

then i had a flu and fever on monday.. thought i was better after spending a day at eric's house being taken care of (ie. him eating canned lychees and gloating cos i can't eat =C ), but the fever came back worse the next day.

so i'm going for a whole long plane ride (it's about 24hrs altogether, including transit time) with a VERY persistent diarrhoea, perpetually runny nose (and i STILL can't find that fricking medicine -_-) and my period.

='(

wish me luck guys..

gonna be pretty sad.. i'll miss him!!!!! spent alot alot alot of time together the whole weekend (mj till morning on fri, slacked around at his house + one-on-one mj on sat, shopping and one-on-one mj and monopoly on sun, sick at his house on mon), but still.. 2 weeks.. though yeah i know it's nothing compared to cheryl and erwin.. sigh..

okies, going now!

4:03 PM | 0 possessed

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

my penance or your punishment?

there isn't anyone to turn to now.

7:14 PM | 0 possessed

[ food glorious food ]

talking to diana abt food (and other stuff like myotubes o_0''' ) has made me inspired to talk abt my accomplishments in the kitchen! my mum left for japan on sat.. so the house and the state of cleanliness is up to me now.. anyway, have been cooking the past few days =) the first day was bad, cos the only thing in our house was fish and more fish! i tried my best though, but forgot to make soup =pp

*day 1 dinner: rice, baked salmon with garlic, luncheon meat and otah

was hungry at night, so decided to make fried rice with the leftover rice.. it was good! =D if i can say so myself..

*day 1 supper: fried rice with carrots and luncheon meat

the next day, i decided to do something more flavourful (before my bro dies haha =pp) it took pretty long to cook, though prep time was short.. mainly cos i kept stopping halfway to watch tv and stuff, since it was still early.. IT WAS A SUCCESS!!!!!! MY FIRST ATTEMPT!!!!!!!!! =DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

*day 2 dinner: macaroni (soup)! minced meat, mushrooms, carrots and a bit of parsley for taste =p

other than cooking, i've been...
..washing the dishes (it NEVER ends!! T.T)
..folding clothes
..hanging out clothes to dry
..watching alot of tv
..SLEEPING
..sorting out the newspapers

and soon, i've gotta wash more clothes and the floor
T.T
i'm a premature ah soh =(

4:23 PM | 0 possessed

Monday, May 16, 2005

[ cleaning out my documents ]

all the quizzes and tests i did in the past few months =D

=D can tell from the number of tests that i did (and not all are posted!) that i'm a v bored person. haha! =D

found this song/poem.. i think diff schs have different versions, but i like this one =D v funny! it's the rj ver (i think)

sine cosine cosine sine
3.14159
plot a graph and draw a line
do your work and you'll be fine
slack a lot and you kana sai
c maths really sux big time
but china scholars just seem to shine
i turn around and look behind
there's a chio bu and she is mine
then i realised that it is a lie

2:46 AM | 0 possessed

[ accomplished ]

i did it. i deleted his photos off my comp.

i decided to just zip up all his (and my) pics, email it to him, and then delete it off my comp forever. it's a weird feeling seeing his folder in between my eric and fcuk folders. esp since i access those 2 folders so often. hmm. accomplishment!

watched eric's soccer match today. i think talking to the guys are easier than talking to the girls, still. hmm. inherent flirt? i just think that guys are more simple. girls are more sensitive to stuff and more likely to judge. heh maybe it's paranoid me. i think what i feel from and about the 3 girls are.. hmm. i dunno. best kept to myself, i guess. maybe it's unfair judgement. =D i like soccer. actually i think watching matches are fun, like bball, soccer and netball. =D the opposing team was so irritating. ugh. i can't stand that guy!! argh!! break his stupid leg. hmph. and my poor darling's ear.. thank goodness they didn't rip off the lobe, but it bled so much.. ouch!! and eww the blood looked so yucky... it was really dark red, almost black. one-on-one mj was good!! I'M GOOD MAN!! =D or maybe he was just distracted. woaho! =D nice cards haha..

mummy's gone, so i'm in charge of the house. basically everything. she left me with practically no info. -_- great. sighhhhh

1:13 AM | 0 possessed

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

[ part time bf? ]

i have a boyfriend. but sadly, it's a part time one. he's unavailable in the day and some nights. and some weekends. and it's always the nights that i need him that he's not there.

i'm sick of getting "sorry that i can't be there for you now darling" messages. it's more than once or twice that i've got that sms. talking to me till 1am is impossible, but playing mj till 7am is.

i wonder to what extent must you accomodate friends and pacify them, while making your gf accomodate you.

1:39 AM | 0 possessed

Saturday, May 07, 2005

thanks to yj, i was introduced to links after links of articles and blogs regarding the big R issue (no not R(A), sorry. yeah it's abt the racism frenzy. i did read the followup article abt the pXX scholar who posted such remarks on his blog. as a staunch PAP supporter, my reaction then was that the guy must be really STUPID. whatever happened to the years and YEARS of brainwashing from our education system? hao gong ming, moral ed and cme (same diff), social studies. that s'pore is a multiracial society that lives in harmony due to years of toil to ensure such peace. that is rarely seen in other societies.

if u ask me, i think s'poreans are actually more racist and intolerant of others than many pple out there. they discriminate against fat ppl, old ppl, poor ppl, even rich ppl, foreigners, all other races, students, army boys, ah peks, everyone. xenophobes in our own rights. cos s'poreans are too opinionated, and really snobbish. we really think we're powerful, and to it more colloqually, very "big". haha sad but true, and i'm one of them. maybe we just all pretend cos we've been brainwashed abt the racial harmony since pri 1 (maybe in kindergarten too?), or maybe cos we're too afraid of the consequences from the govt.

hmm. as a side note, i wonder if there are actually ppl working for the govt that goes around searching keywords to fish out all there opinionated blogs. paranoid me. haha like the editor of talkingcock.com said, "we’re Singaporeans, and that means we’re paranoid and kiasu, right?" i do believe in the "love all, whack all" s'porean attitude too. ah peks in the kopitiam and taxi drivers really criticise every single current issue, and they can slam and side with the s'pore govt at the same time =pp haha

anyway. as for the scholar-bloggers being slammed. i wouldn't know abt the ratsa (wrong way round) one, cos i didn't read anything. so far, all the feedback i got from other ppl's blogs are that it's an unjustified slam on the guy. but the other scholar.. well. i think racist remarks on his blog is abit too extreme. but true, revoke his scholarship, he'll still be a racist, only a more discreet one. so what happens now? that's why we have judges and a legal structure here. just like the prosperland case and the nicoll highway enquiry. what the decision is will influence us, and how the society works, at least to a SMALL extent.

anyway. i'm more concerned (as a kiasi paranoid s'porean) abt what it means for bloggers. i'm no politically aware (nor responsible, at that) citizen, despite our ed system's training and gp teachers' horror at our lack of contact with the news. well, other than the prosperland appeal judgement newspaper report on my magnetic board heh =p ip is a new area of law in s'pore, and it's still a small area specialisation, but i think it'll be increasingly impt (this doesn't mean that i actually want to specialise in that [oh god pls no] ) if we really want to let our opinions be heard, we'll either 1) write in to the respective ministries, 2)write in to the straits times, or 3) go to the speakers corner (but not like anyone would bother going there to listen to u, the kopitiam uncles are more interesting and less censored haha). blogging allows us to rant, and cross ref other articles, but without the majority of the population as our audience. at least, not private blogs like these (we're not talking abt mr brXXn or xiax** la =) politically correct or no, at least we bother having an opinion. that's reason behind gp classes and the STACKS of compulsory reading, isn't it? what's the point of having so many branches of the PAP if the govt doesn't want us to be politically aware? instead of mindlessly following, toeing the line for fear of fines, we choose a less-publicised way of expressing our opinions. i think that's fair enough. wanting us to not have our own opinions and perspectives is akin to the brainwashing a la brave new world (aldous huxley), and to a certain extent, communism, the supposed bane of the modern society. maybe that's why students rather mug and memorise chunks of texts and model answers, instead of asking questions and really understanding what they're being told.

and seriously, no man is infallible, much less a govt, since it's made up of so many ppl, each prone to less-than-realistic ideas and opinions. just cos there are so many of them making the decisions doesn't mean that they'll make up for one another's shortcomings. the education system has its weird implementations and downright unfair rules that made me shriek at the system and laugh myself crazy. don't ask me what those stupid things are cos i forgot. though at the back of my head i'm DAMN sure there was this one single thing the moe implemented that i really raged about. think it was in sc. maybe i should go look up my archives, though knowing me, i wouldn't blog abt such a serious thing haha! airhead, me.

so weird to blog abt such topics here, since it's always abt mindless stuff like working CLUBBIN eric.. anyone wants to start a shared blog on current issues? yj?? =D

12:10 AM | 0 possessed

Thursday, May 05, 2005

[ i'm a chicken ]

no, don't worry, i didn't back out of clubbing in the end.. it would have been mean to eric, like erwin said =p but all the way queueing, i just wanted to go home so badly, while eric tried to calm me down. sigh.

oh yeah, if anyone wondered, white nails do glow in the uv light, but it really acentuates any imperfections and uneen painting, so.. yeah. =p

wore the black halter eric gave me on vday.. felt really fat and ugly, but a pretty long convo (more than 10 mins!!) with erwin made me feel a little better.. kinda =p phuture is still as crowded, ticket restrictions or no. it was REALLLLLLY crazy at abt 12.. alcohol makes me crotchety and sleepy, indeed.. until it's in my system proper, then i get high. haha! was kinda tempted to go over for mambo, but pple in there looked v sian (we looked through the glass windows =p ) and pple were leaving zouk continuously, so.. decided not to, even though gillian was in there..

started having fun close to 1 (after the alcohol did its job =), danced like anything with eric.. think he was abit high too hehheh.. think i lose all control over what i say under the effects of alcohol heh =D our song played!!!!! it was the first time we danced to that song together HEH HEH happy!!!! and diana, i told him u liked that song cos of how chxxs.ong danced, but he said he didn't have enough space to go down on his knees, so.. oh well. =pp his frens are ok, i guess.. helped that there were only 4 of them (that particular group la), and it was still ok heh =D

ok so i think i can dance after all, just hoped that it wasn't retarded (diana!!!! =( see la after that comment of urs i keep worrying that i look like a retard) or epileptic (spasming. -_-) or just plain wild (ie drunk).. dip it low played, and i thought abt u two! (c and di, since yj doesn't club =p) then erwin's song played, cheryl's song played wooohooo!! field day. the music was shitty till 12+ (as expected..) not much change from a few months ago, except maybe a few newer songs and a few older songs...

and yesssss~! i got eric to promise to go cb one of these days, to relieve that night HEH =pp ok think i'm feeling the aftereffects of the alcohol still.. but i didn't drink alot, just 1 1/2 lychee martinis and 1 screwdriver.. and one glass of water =D oh i spotted phuture's equivalent of the horny couple, slow dancing and glued front-to-front =p don't think they were the ones at cb though.. oh! lennard went (eric's fren, remember?) and got sian again.. sigh. felt so guilty, but there was nothing we could do.. he left early again, but this time at 1.. i had so much fun i decided to stay till 2 (screw the curfew =D )

was kinda scary on the way back though, cos he said he was feeling the effects of the alcohol.. which wasn't alot, the same amt as me.. so i got him to drive at 60kmph.. don't want a repeat of last wed (last last wed? it seems like a short while ago only...), esp since we came out ok cos he didn't drink then..

am happy, v happy, vv happy from last night! =D am in love heh =D i like the way he dances =D i felt ok with his frens =D heh but alcohol gives me bad bad gastric pangs =( =( =(

i can't wait for u guys to come back, then we can club together again!!!!!!!!! was missing dancing with u guys last night, cos we do stupid things together, like that pointing-at-jac thing.. makes clubbing more fun (and crazy)

love u guys!!

2:58 PM | 0 possessed

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

[ i'm gonna hurl ]

i realised that blogger is bad cos it doesn't keep an archive of my past layouts. that's sad =( maybe it's back to pitas, or something.. always thought it was much easier to navigate, just that it's abit slow to save changes...

anyway. just a quick post before i bathe and go out. while my +white+ nails dry =D i love white nails.. though thinking abt it now, it might be a bad idea, cos it'll glow in the uv light in phuture.

yup, going clubbing tonight. that's why i wanna hurl, i'm so nervous.. i'm beyond scared. dianananannananananaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need uuuuuuu sighhhh i'm damn panicky and i don't know what to wear.. why isn't any of u online?!?! sigh sigh sigh i need helppppppppppppppp and my heart's pounding away.. shittt sigh. =( this is self torture. =( maybe i'll chicken out in the end (as usual) =(

4:36 PM | 0 possessed

Monday, May 02, 2005

[ i'm wearing .be. ]

today was a good day. great day. wonderful day =) it more than makes up for the huge fight yday. and everything. the saddest thing is that it wasn't really a fight, no screaming around or anything. i don't think he was pissed, and i wasn't, i was just disappointed and lonely and depressed and kinda numb and cold. but not pissed.so after the whole long debate, the clearing up and everything.. i slept at 7 something. yeah in the morning..

was supposed to go tanning today (yes cheryl, i'm not gonna start trying to be white for ur cleanandclear thing -_-), but it rained -_- so we just went to his house and slacked. read cheryl's blog (the one with 13 comments =pp ) and now he thinks cheryl's mum's angry with him cos he almost killed us that night heh =p thought abt going to the expo for book sale, but we were too tired. just slept through half the afternoon, and then watched soccer. talked to his brother (!!!!), then went to play mj with his frens.. the same frens who had the bday party at thumper that i got half-drunk cos i felt so terrible. but well, it wasn't too bad an experience, cos at least it's a much smaller group.. they're pretty funny pple la, and it wasn't that bad.. -_- bimbo couple (baybeee~ blah blah blah -_-''''''''''' and yj says that erwin and cheryl flirt alot -_-) but i was so damn nervous throughout.. and the mj stakes are crazy.. from $1/$2 onwards.. -_- heh not so bad i didn't lose as badly as i expected, considering how empty my drawer was =pp well, to him, i lost alot, but i really expected to lose.. above $100, so it wasn't that bad. hahaha =pp i'm easily contented la~ =p

anyway, i'm wearing his cologne. be by ck heh =D it's a lovely scent, and i can smell it on me!!!! =D

missing u guys...

1:51 AM | 0 possessed

Sunday, May 01, 2005

[ it´s all over but the crying ]

so if i cry, does that mean it's all over?

i am the only fool around.

who really cares, and who really doesn't.

have i ended up caring more than i thought i would let myself. when all the while i thought that it'll never happen.

2:21 AM | 0 possessed