Saturday, January 29, 2005

[ tiring week + half =p ] 

it's been awhile since i've blogged.. mostly cos i come back dead tired everyday.. just eat (if i have dinner at home), slack around, talk to eric, then start dozing off at like 10+.. TEN PLUS!!! how amazing is that?! have been sleeping really early (compared to my usual 3-5am) the past week.. work is great =D it's much better then when i went to sembcorp for TAG in j1.. maybe cos i have company here at kw =) and the pple are nice.. xiuming is mad =D and i get a lift to work everyday (thankew yj!!!!) =) got a work journal, so shall just concentrate on that book =D

have been putting on so much weight that i'm really scared.. like my jeans are much tighter, and mummy said i've bloated up. AUUUGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! cny is in like 2 weeks.. i'm deathly afraid that i won't be able to fit into my new clothes (T.T) woke up one hr early on thurs to run.. felt very accomplished! =D will make sure i eat less, do crunches, and run everyday next week. and i refuse to let xm or yj coerce me into eating =) think the visiting on the 4th day will be very fun =D
ok.. updating on the week.. ended up not going to the beach on thurs.. went out with pk and yvonne in the morning.. was quite fun, but sigh. him. sigh. anyway, met dyd in orchard, then walked around.. d and d went out with chris, and i met eric for dinner.. i liked what i wore that day =D comfy but i felt not unpretty =D friday was family day, spent time with mum and dad.. the uniform party was cancelled cos cheryl and yj had class stuff..

sat was a.. mixture day. it was.. the 22nd of jan.. which has many memories.. but well. sigh. anyway, was afraid that he might do something or just try to meet me on that day, but he didn't do anything.. not sure whether it was cos he's sick, or cos he really gotten over it.. and understood. anyway, went out with eric.. his good fren's bday that night, so we went down to thumper.. felt so bloody inadequate there. everyone knew everyone, and i felt so out of place, so young, so unpretty, so weird.. so suaku and stupid and argh just everything. think ken X 10. it was one of the worst experiences in my life. so i just sat there like an idiot, feeling bad that eric was sitting with me instead of going to sit and talk to his frens, but yet, i didn't want him to leave me there alone.. and then all the people were smoking like crazy, almost died. -_- so the only thing i could do was to keep drinking.. had two(?) screwdrivers, then.. can't remember, vodka with coke? chivas with coke? cranberry? no idea man. just kept downing things to keep myself occupied, and hoping that the alcohol would make me high and feel less inadequate. of cos, i got drunk by like 10.30. it was scary.. wasn't feeling well to begin with, so the alcohol just made me want to puke very very badly.. it was a very real fear that i would puke on the spot.. had blurry and slightly spinning vision, and i could consciously tell that the alcohol was affecting my judgement.. like i couldn't really estimate spaces and distances properly, so i could tell i'd bang into the pillars or tables. it was really scary.. felt incredibly sick. left early (and felt like such a baby to leave so early) cos it was the 100th day after my uncle's death, so we had to go to the temple in the morning, and my parents wanted me back early. it was worse after i reached home.. thank god for my cousin. mum and dad slept early (yes! thank god!) and then i was free to be as sick as i felt.. managed not to puke (though my cousin said puking it out would be better), but i really felt like dying.. had to take like hot tea and put a hot towel over my face before i could feel like i would live to see the morning after all.. my head was splitting.. and stupid eric actually thought i was ok! cos my cousin called him to scold him for making me so drunk, but he didn't know it was that bad (his excuse was that i looked perfectly fine -_-) god. i actually survived. no way will i ever let him mix my drinks.. think ladies' night drinks are more for me, with its low alcohol content. =)

went out with my cousins on sun.. watched elektra, which was actually pretty cool, cos jennifer garner is so damn cool =D the plot was quite.. flat and very confusing, but well. she's cool, and that's all that matters.. went to cheryl's house to bake at night. was really half dead when i met them.. baking is REALLY REALLY tiring.. did the scones all by myself.. i was so proud of the heart shaped wells.. made the scones look so good, esp with jam in it =D it was so pretty! =D

met him on mon.. at abt 8 for dinner.. loved my working clothes! =D gave him his shirt (very nice! =D) and scones =) he gave me a red rose (i'm really sorry, but i hate red roses.. but anyway, it's what it represents that matters =) and the fairy earrings i really wanted!!! it was so pretty!!!!! (and really expensive for a pair of silver earrings..) =D happy happy happy!

dydctee outing on thurs... was really tired, esp since yj and i had to amuse ourselves until they all came at 7+.. cheryl had to do ot, so by the time we were seated in the pasta cafe, it was 8.30++.. i liked diana's skirt!! =) proceeded to swensen's, where chris joined us.. was actually hoping to sit nearer to him, cos i wanted to see how he is in person (and whether to encourage diana or not..) but we ended up at opp ends of the tables.. was really very tired, and very very depressed about my bank account, cos the balance was much much lower than i thought it was.. was just in shock, i guess.. and trying to figure out how the money all disappeared in 2 weeks.. had to rush off, cos i had to catch the last bus and reach home before 12 (which i didn't in the end..) almost got into trouble with the parents. sigh. still feel very depressed abt the bank balance..

met eric for dinner last night.. wanted to just buy all kinds of food at the food fair in taka, but we ended up at marche.. shall eat at the food fair another time, i really wanna try the jap pizza =D feel like buying a pair of working shoes... and that red top that now costs $49, but i won't, cos the last time i asked, it was only $39, so i think they're cheating me.. feel like just buying all the stuff that i want now, since the bank balance is already so low. sigh self-destructive.

after working in kw for a week, coming into contact with all those lawyers (who are really nice =), i feel.. different. i like it like this, actually.. like i think i'm losing abit of my cheena side =) and my brain feels like it's working harder... trying to enrich myself, to dig up all the buried info stored.. so that i won't sound so stupid when i talk.. like trying to sound as intelligent and well-read as xm and yj.. mixing with these knowledgable pple made me realise.. i really have to marry someone way more intelligent than me, to command my respect =) and i feel like.. this is what i really want to be, like them. cool and intellectual, these professionals.. not having fun clubbing all the time.. i like losing my cheongster side =D i do miss wearing outside clothes, shopping and all.. but i can live without the clubbing, the degeneration of my morals and brain =D sometimes it feels abit.. weird, when we go to orchard after work, in our work clothes.. sometimes it feels as if i'm just playing dress-up, wearing those cool work clothes, when actually i'm just a kid, not knowing what to do, and pple who can tell from my kiddy face. and i feel out of place in those shops, when i wear the whole suit.. sigh. but sometimes, it's great, knowing that i've been working and enriching myself, while these pple just spend their time shopping all day.. am i turning schizo? and after doing the research for db on tues, i think.. i really want to do this kinda work, all the research, stressing myself out and skipping meals to do work.. i really can do it. i've trying to find this feeling for so long, find something i can do as a profession, that interests me.. something that i can just work through the day, skipping lunch without feeling hungry.. i need this kind of motivation.. so maybe i've found my calling, and i finally have the so-called passion for law, and not just doing it for want of better alts. all the running about in the firm, research (learning how to use the case indexes) is really fun =) i just have to learn not to freak out so much =D and with all the sitting in court, i feel like doing a little bit of litigation.. most prob not criminal litigation still =D and definitely not conveyancing (yucks), but.. litigation seems fun! though international law is still my interest =D i love this..

3:16 PM | 0 possessed

Monday, January 24, 2005

[ haha =) ] 

3:39 PM | 0 possessed

Thursday, January 20, 2005

[ messed up ] 

i'm messed up inside. there's something really wrong with me.

was reading this old email fab sent me, and a reply from me. he just this online test thing that he took, and i sent him dido's lyrics. but reading it made me miss him.. the comfortable feeling i had with him, the usual simple "love you la", with the "la" in it.. the way he "speaks"/types.. i just... miss him.

went out with ken today. it sucked. i hate it. hate that feeling he gives me. that i'm worthless useless unpretty imperfect. i'll never be good enough. it's a disgusting feeling. i hate it. it gets me so miserable. so i absolutely bored him.

today was supposed to be a good day. went out shopping with mummy.. bought a pair of nice black heels, a black halter, and i'm gonna buy this pink top.. she tried to get me to buy this skirt, but i didn't want.. oh yeah, i bought a bikini for tmr.. just a cheap one, think it's a lil too small.. shall bring my swimming costume anyway..

went to cheryl's house yday to bake.. was quite stoned and tired, cos of the baking.. baking's tiring cos it needs so much concentration and patience, neither of which i have.. the biscuits came out pretty good, so i decided to give some to eric too.. our $1 challenge =) my postcard to him was pretty boring, but still.. his was wonderful.. had alot of thought and effort put into it.. he got 7 pieces of paper in the 7 colours of the rainbow.. one colour per letter of my name (i never noticed that =) tiffany =) pretty! and on each of the paper (the other side) he wrote sweet stuff.. a4 size! like.. sweet quotes, tongue-in-cheek quotes.. and guess what! he used an ee cummings poem.. diana's favourite poem!!!!! wow, that's amazingly coincidental! =D it's so sweet.. i love him.. so anyway, we went out for dinner on tues.. decided to buy him a shirt.. he tried on 3, and i liked 2 of them alot alot.. he wanted to buy both, but i stopped him =) so i could buy the other one for him =) should i buy a nice box for it? can't wait for monday.. 1st month! hopefully the 22nd will come and go without too much a problem..

went to cheryl's house on sunday.. was supposed to just drop by and pass her the driving book, but eric and i ended just joining them.. it was quite fun, all the makeup shopping.. poor eric must have been bored out of his mind, us 4 and cheryl's mum. yj and erwin and cheryl's dad joined us later.. then we proceeded to cheryl's house, with ps2, xbox and pizza =) slacking around in cheryl's room was fun, just talking, admiring daph's new double eyelids, trying out diana's new eyeliner (which wasn't nice..) i want more makeup! i want eyeliner, but i want a fine one.. liquid eyeliner? not sure what brand to buy though.. and green eyeshadow, eyebrow pencil and comb, and that uberpretty dior lip gloss [656] that colour is so nice.. the lip gloss that cheryl liked was nice..the smell (and prob the taste) was delicious, vanilla.. but the colours were too light.. clothes-wise, i'm pretty much settled.. anyway, i haven't seen anything that's really pretty nowadays.. just normal stuff..

2:12 AM | 0 possessed

Monday, January 17, 2005

[ heartache. ] 

was gonna add this in diana's gbk, but i think it's abit too sensitive..

+ diana dear, i feel the same way abt daph and that guy.. and i think yj, cheryl and i feel the same way abt chris, cos it's somewhat similar, just that u don't have actual proof that he'll be like that, u just think he won't accept u as a potential gf.. sigh.

don't want to see diana counting calories and eating the amount of food an ant eats, desperately wanting to run/dance/do crunches everywhere/refusing to sit down when playing mahjong, partially cos of him. i'm not sure to what extent it's cos of chris, but she did say that she doesn't think she has a chance with chris.. unless she loses weight. sigh. =(

but well. as i always believed, love hurts. if it doesn't hurt, it isn't love.

in the mrt yday, i had the familiar yet still strange ache inside. it's just a dull pain that doesn't go away, and gets me down. i want him to hold me and tell me everything will be ok, to somehow remove the ache, but yet, being so close to him makes the ache stronger. it's the same kind of feeling that i used to remove by doing things to myself physically. i want to rebel against this feeling, by scrawling all over my arms, letting out blood, or do something permanent. anything to distract myself from it.

5:03 PM | 0 possessed

Saturday, January 15, 2005

the last time i had an untitled entry, it was abt pk. i think i take my words back, i wouldn't have wanted him in the end. i don't know why, i just can't with him. there's just this permanent block between us.. which i don't think is that bad, actually..

anyway. feeling disgustingly bad. i mean physically. i've got an amazing headache, dead beat. feeling somewhat unstable inside. maybe punk rock's better than brit rock for me in this mood. anyway. can't describe what emotion it is.. maybe it's a mix of many.

still very unhappy with my dad.. just don't see why they can't just tell me straight to my face that i can't. no, it has to be a nice long guilt trip. it's manipulating my feelings. i don't do that to him, even though i can. and i couldn't protest, cos it's my nice dad. whatever. and all the lecturing today.. with a wonderful idea from my brother that if they cut off my allowance, they can stop me from going out and clubbing, cos cabbing back is ex. in this way they don't have to ground me, i won't be able to go out anyway. i think they're quite serious abt reducing my allowance, so byebye melbourne. don't want to talk too much, cos they'll just dig out more stuff for me to feel guilty abt.. it's already "daddy's been back for so long, but u haven't spent time with him at all", "daddy was so worried abt u, he kept waking up to wait for you, but you came back so late" etc. i do know, and i do feel bad. not that i think i shouldn't feel guilty for making him worry, but to use that and control me and make me follow their wishes is taking it too far. and then they'll move on to eric. question and nag and think of the weirdest things.

anyway. still feeling irritated. with him. so yeah. will blog abt the costume party another time, cos doing it now won't do it justice, with my black mood.

am in the worst, absolute worst way of self-destruction: eating. all the chocolates, bak kwa, just everything fattening and oily and bad. i hate it. but i can't stop myself, i just torture myself like this when i'm frustrated. and then go through mental self-torture when i realise how much i ate and how much weight i put on. vicious circle.

3:51 PM | 0 possessed

Friday, January 14, 2005

[ crash blog ] 

updates abt going out with eric.. i've been out with him almost everyday!! that's... ewwww hahahahah =)shit there's so much to update..

ok, went out with him on sunday.. to look at shirts for him.. he looks damn good in white with blue stripes. oooh =D the topshop ones were too thin (translucent).. g2000 had wonderful shirts.. he looked so good in them!!! but. they were too long, cos it was supposed to be tucked in.. or maybe cos he has a short body haha =pp anyway, i was so disappointed >.< went down to bugis to buy cute stationery.. ahhh!!! they're all so cute!!!!!! but i had to resist most of them.. expensive and useless indulgence.. so up to now i've bought 5 pens and 2 pencils =D love stationery.. felt so accomplished cos i bought the neoprint book for yj =p so glad that i found it =p

went out with him on tues.. to the airport... met his friends... it was a scary experience.. felt so super inadequate, cos it was a weird time to meet his friend.. like it was such a private thing, and quite sad at that.. what was i doing there?!? anyway, i freaked out majorly.. hate the weird awkwardness.. in a way, i was glad that they left me alone.. think it'll be quite awkward if they tried to include me in the conversation.. and if they talk to me and ask me stuff, like when i go out with my bro and his friends, i might end up blabbering cos of my nervousness (which is HIGHLY probable) and die of embarrassment... MORE embarrassment. but in the end, it was pretty ok.. once i got the hang of half-tuning out and stoning.. self-entertainment in my head, like planning out stuff, smsing etc.. cheryl was so nice and sweet, called me to encourage me.. "i'm the 2nd hottest girl on this planet" =D nice enough to let me delude myself and take her place as the hottest girl for one hour =ppp yj was very cute too =D thanks darlings! got very lost going home from changi =pp us direction idiots =ppp haha it was very funny with me freaking out and yelling at him cos he didn't turn when he was supposed to, or we missed the exit etc =D

went out with dydc on wed.. walked all over s'pore, or at least half.. all of us shopping for our costumes.. was pretty accomplished, cos everyone (but cheryl =) settled the details for their costumes.. i just have to go down and get my choli etc later.. shit have this feeling that my costume etc will flop.. sigh. clubbed that night.. i think my brain cells have degenerated. god. what is wrong with me?!?!? i actually really enjoyed the music at phuture (seriously.... -_-) other than a certain point when they played all kinds of crap, like a little mambo.. my god. i don't believe i actually liked the music. kinda sad that diana didn't seem to enjoy herself.. couldn't tell for cheryl, cos she was physically stuck to erwin all the while =pp and daphne seemed to enjoy at first, then got tired/sad/?? eric's friend seemed bored and out of it.. eric was trying to get me to dance with him while i kept trying to push him to his friend.. yes, i succumbed after abt half hour of embarrassment, and danced with him.. i so do not want to get used to dancing with him.. nanana!!! daph!!! must dance with me!! =D drank more than usual that night..but i wasn't anywhere near drunk la.. it was only.. abit of that pizza tasting thing cheryl had, a tequila shot, abit of his tequila pop, 3/4 of a screwdriver X 4 (which is abt 3 screwdrivers) think i like the drinks at zouk.. taste better cos the alcohol's more well mixed =D

finally to thurs.. slacked at home the whole day after sleeping so late on wed.. dragged my ass down to orchard to meet eric after deciding that i won't cancel the date just cos my parents would be in orchard too.. had quite a bit of fun, but it's quite sad how early the shops close, esp in heeren.. i like what i wore (my ribbon skirt!! =) and i was right, must wear a long(er) thing with that skirt cos it's so short and loose =p felt good yday, until my mum told me i put on weight. sighhh. this SUCKS. have to diet.. anyway, my mum knows abt eric. decided i won't keep it from her.. don't think she knows i'm attached.. just told her the existence of eric (whom i said is cheryl's friend, that's why i got to know him.. obviously i can't say i got to know him from clubbing right???) yeah.

anyway, gotta run, still have to drop by little india..

1:21 PM | 0 possessed

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

[ tired. ] 

that's the most callous thing i've ever heard.
do you really agree with what you said? or do you find it as hardhearted as i found it?
so quick to remove the blame from yourself.

anyway, went out with eric on... friday. was supposed to meet my class, juniors and grand juniors post campfire and supper.. didn't wanna go for the campfire, so i met eric, and we walked to and fro, looking at stationery, considering coffee. =) bought that pretty rainbow notebook at borders, and he met his friend.. weirdy feeling. but it wasn't too bad =) looked around at books, and we decided to lend each other books.. to keep him occupied in camp and me in the middle of the night.. anyway, coffee bean was crowded, so we went to bk, ordered quite a bit of food that i ended up pushing to him cos i was too full =) set out for newton circus to meet my classmates, but when i reached, gil said they were at adam rd instead, we we took the whole long walk to the bus stop.. and by then it was 1145. called gil again only to find out there were only 4 of them there, and they finished eating already. (-_-)'' so we waited and waited for my bus.. but none came. so it was cab for us.. hmm well. it was a spectacular night =)

4:15 PM | 0 possessed

Friday, January 07, 2005

[ from staying up till 8.30am ] 

hopelessly waiting.
but
inexhaustably hoping

2:25 PM | 0 possessed

[ can't sleep can't sleep can't sleep ] 

i feel accomplished. i added 7 friendster testimonials for pple. ain't i great!! =)

.. ok i cheated. cheryl's and diana's were short ones. but hey! the other 5 were thousand word essays praising the pple they were meant for ok!!!

.. i lied again =p eric's 2 were all just stating the plain truth that he's mean etc etc etc etc haha =pp it was super fun to write heh cos i finally get my revenge on him for all his mean-ness to me =)

and that's the whole truth now =)

i'm so glad i got yj's thing done with minimal lying (if at all).. hope the english is ok, if it isn't i can't help it, sorry dear =)

5:38 AM | 0 possessed

[ scattered thoughts ] 

am up now, after talking to eric.. trying to rush the thing for yj.. hope what i write for her isn't cheesy...

daddy's back from japan. finally. the past 2.5 months, i've seen him for only ONE day when he came back to go taiwan with everyone.. and that was almost 2 months ago.. am glad just to see him, and see mummy so happy =)and now that daddy's back, can go buy more stuff! like.. new hp, watch, bag, heels, more clothes =ppp

i like it that i don't have to choose between my besties and eric.. =)

everything's all over the place, cos i'm too tired to really think properly

i'm really afraid, cos everything's going very fast.. it's too fast, i've gotta stop it somehow.. slow it down.

i'm in love with the perishers..

It's my heart you're stealing
It's my heart you take
It's my heart you're dealing with
And it's my heart you'll break

It's my heart you're taking
It's breaking bit by bit
It's my heart you're dealing with
But you don't know about it

2:22 AM | 0 possessed

Thursday, January 06, 2005

[ excerpts from eecummings ] 

while waiting for this idiot also known as my bf to reply/call etc me. which he obviously isn't doing.

"if we love each(shyly)
other, what clouds do or Silently
Flowers resembles beauty
less than our breathing"

"-before leaving my room
i turn, and(stooping
through the morning) kiss
this pillow, dear
where out heads lived and were."

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;

wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
-the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other: then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis"

3:46 AM | 0 possessed

[ intoxicated ] 

burning from his stare
ticklish from his breath
high from his kiss
i'm drunk on love


wow... ok must talk abt the not so good parts first =)
woke up at 7+, expecting his sms cos that's the time he smses me in the morning.. waited and waited, but no sms came, so 3/4 asleep and groggy me smsed him "why never sms me.." and somehow, i smsed a really mushy sms after that. which is so unlike me.. it sounded more like for diana, cos she's the only one i call "darling".. but anyway, i'm rarely mushy to him, and not to such extent, so it was.. weirdy. but well, he was elated. =pp anyway, i stayed at home, being the good girl, helping to spring clean the house in prep for daddy's return after more than a month..

met cheryl at 630 in kino.. want a scheduler!!! but all the tiny ones are so ex, and sold out =( proceeded to the library, where i looked for the book infinitejest that gordon told me about.. MY GOD. it's the size of the cambridge dictionary.. it's freaky. it's too much even for me =pp decided to be less adventurous, and borrowed a book on learning malay, and one of e.e.cummings' poems.. then cheryl and i both realised that our cards all can't be used cos the fines were in the range of 15 to 20 bucks, and no way were u gonna pay it off.. got eric to come up and register so we could use his card.. got cheryl to tag along with us instead of waiting for hh somewhere alone.. and we ended up having a double date.. went for CALAMARI at pasta cafe.. ate WAYYYYY too much. i should learn not to order a main course=pp i love calamari.. i still want more =ppp while we were walking around, stupid eric kept flipping through the book and reciting phrases in malay to irritate me.. and he kept saying that all the phrases were very pertinent. -_-''' almost choked/sprayed out my whole mouthful of water during dinner, thanks to cheryl and hh. she said that hh never bought her flowers, never bought her anything etc.. then hh mentioned that he bought a necklace for her from thailand.. and then cheryl (who was sitting opp me) looked at me with this "oh no, i don't remember it!!" horrified look.. and i kept laughing at her horrified face.. then hh suspected something and kept asking, but cheryl tried to cover it up by saying that she made this secret sign, so i kept laughing.. and we both made up this whole story that it was a private joke within dyct, and there was a long embarrassing story behind it that we didn't want to talk abt cos it was so stupid etc etc.. so then hh tried to guess what the (non-existant) code word was exactly.. and then he thought it was "thailand".. so he used all kinds of stupid voices to say that word.. cheryl and i couldn't stop laughing, more cos stupid hh actually thought the code word was "thailand" than cos of his stupid voice =pp i kept choking, and i almost sprayed it out on cheryl.. it took immense self-control to swallow the mouthful of water properly=pp basically we just sat there and talked till they chased us out, then we went over to noisy swensen's... that was the bad part..

see, remember that mushy sms i sent in the morning? well i didn't remember what i sent, so i told eric to show me the sms.. and then i was really amazed at it.. anyway, i half-seriously said to him, "i delete it k?" and he nonchalantly replied ok. so i fwded it to myself, then deleted it.. and he really didn't care! after awhile, i really got quite upset (not sure why too..) and i said to him "since u don't really care anyway, then i'll just delete all my smses la". took his phone and started deleting my smses to him.. then he tried to stop me and grab it back.. was getting more upset.. then it suddenly hit me. it was exactly like how fab and i used to fight. it was scary, to say the least. sigh. does that mean that we'll go down the same path? i don't want to go through that kinda thing, fight everywhere we go, all the pain we both go through we i walk off or he walks off.. when we refuse to talk to each other at all, with our black faces.. but well. maybe it'll be different for me and him.. i really hope so, at least.. anyway, he's much nicer.. at least for now. he gives in to me all the time.. but there'll be one day that he'll reach his limit right? what will happen then.. but anyway.. i wasn't angry with him.. only a lil upset. it was the fab part that was getting me down.. anyway. it was ok by the time the bus reached my stop.. so yeah. can't stay angry with him la, he's a silly useless unromantic pathetic excuse for a bf.. so must cut him some slack =)

ANYWAY. was going to gush abt kissing him.. heheheheheh it was great =ppppp mmmmm... i like being hugged best. incomparable =) but well.. hehehehe... drunk on love =D wonderful sensation.. anyway! it wasn't the coolest thing tonight!! he sent me wonderfully sweet msges on the way to phuture.. and later on in the night, i got a call from him.. he said he dedicated to me the song that was playing.. his song!! 2play's so confused =) AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so sweet!!!!!! *-* i'm sooo in love... happyhappyhappyhappy =)

1:27 AM | 0 possessed

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

[ enjoyment ] 

this is a great feeling. there are many kids out there who are just let out of school.
and i just woke up.

life is great. hehehehe =)

1:38 PM | 0 possessed

[ today ] 

was gonna post abt today like a few hours ago. but then ken asked me to help him with his stupid blog and music. (-_-)'' technology idiot. anyway. today was. a super crappy day.

woke at 845, decided that i don't want to go to school after all, smsed my cousin, pk, cheryl and yj abit.. then yj got pissed with me, so i decided to charge my phone and go back to sleep.. the next time i woke was 1230.. to FIFTEEN missed calls and TEN smses. wow i feel so popular. haha =) most came from pk la.. anyway, wow so many pple actually smsed me! =) the day went downhill from there. ms wang couldn't send in our ucas application yet again, mummy got so bloody pissed with me today, got locked out of the house when i was already running late.. met eric at 430 when the original time was 3pm (before we kept pushing it back).. stupid marche was closed!!!! argh!! i was dying for calamari, so we went to the pasta cafe.. hmm the high tea sets are really very cheap.. had the omelette cake and calamari.. we just sat in there, ate, talked, he made fun of me only every other minute and came up with all his lame crap every other second =p, sat there and looked at each other.. went to g2000, but the black shirts were sold out.. i like their blazers though =) walked around wisma.. then he had to go meet his friends.. he smelt nice. as usual. mmm. =p heh. sigh think it's almost time for my turn to be exhibited.. sigh. yucks. hate it. don't want to be rated and judged by all those guys. i know, it's only fair, he's already met like all my good friends, pk, everyone. just that. sigh. i'm not pretty enough. not pretty to begin with. sigh.

anyway, met cheryl and di for dinner, yj couldn't come again. miss her alot.. didn't really see much of her in dec, and that felt really weird.. we decided we'll leave expensive jap food (akashi) for another day when we all go together. ate abit at sushitei.. not that good. maybe i'm just picky, but well.. anyway, the 3 of us were pretty stony, all a lil depressed.. di with chris, cheryl with her him, me with.. pk? yj? both, i guess.

anyway. before i forget abt it.. new year's eve was pretty good, met pk to pass him his present, hugged him in front of all his frens (argh!!!!), met everyone but cheryl at bordersbistro. we all sat there, abit stoned, talked a lil bit, mainly me asking eric if he was ok.. scrawling all over the mahjpng papers, decorating and writing lyrics was fun =) at cheryl's house, we played taboo and pictionary.. god i really suck at drawing. like her him (hh) pointed out, all my drawings look the same. the same thing: a stick figure, etc. taboo was really funny. me cheryl daph in one group, the rest in the other.
c: u know, what -hh- is?
me: an idiot?
[she was trying to say police..]
..
c: what tiff wants to be in the future?
me: mother?
..
hh: u know, sometimes we say u're ____ for choosing tiff
eric: tasteful?
hh: no! ok, sometimes, she's -(got cut off)
eric: irritating?
[it was supposed to be "blind" -_-]

cheryl's mum was so amused. haha =p i didn't really mind la, really =p
truth or dare was.. woah. daring, to say the least. it's the first proper t or d i played.. we made hh kiss her foot, kiss her from her foot to her thigh, do a lap dance to eric (wahaha).. cheryl to straddle (became just sitting on his lap, cos she was wearing a skirt) him and kiss him etc.. daph and di got it better cos there were only so few things that they could really do at 3am in the morning in some ulu place.. the only dares worth noting for me were 1)him carrying me and kissing (my cheek) from the back.. without warning.. 2) him licking chocolate cream off my stomach.. oh god. at that point in time i was really ok with it.. actually i still am. just that it's kinda weird to have an audience. oh well. they knew we haven't kissed yet, so we didn't have to (not like cheryl)

went off close to 4.. took cab to eric's house, and he drove me back.. before that, in the car.. i kissed him.
er. he kissed me too.
.
we kissed..

.. suprisingly, it wasn't bad.. guess we're all made to naturally know how to kiss.. considering that it was his first time, it was pretty good =) he was super nervous.. stunned, to say the least. heh. he had to sit there for a few mins to get out of his daze and drive =p heh.

i like being with him.. it's very fun, not alot of emotional commitment/responsibility, angst, anger, unhappiness.. i like it like this. just enjoying the happiness..it's fun =) i like him really alot alot alot. =)

2:14 AM | 0 possessed

Monday, January 03, 2005

can't decide whether yday was a horrible/disgusting day, or it was still ok.. think the day part of it was ok, and the night was horrible. sigh.

nvm abt little india, volunteer work, indian food, being perpetually cold and soaking wet, aj og outing at cafe cartel, sinful HUGE chocolate cake, pretty neoprints we took and i lost, 6 bucks of travelling fare just cos i'm using an adult card now.

those were still ok.

seems like everytime i talk to pk at night, it ends up horrible. he actually asked me out for lunch today, cos he didn't have the time to treat me to lunch on his bday.. so all was fine and dandy at 10, he coerced me to meet him at kap cos it's near his school. then suddenly he smsed me to say he didn't want to meet after all, and asked me not to ask. knowing me, i called him and forced it out of him. turns out that.. he likes me. again. after all the trouble we had when i liked him and he liked another girl, all the talk abt not wanting to try again when we met on his bday.. he said he's jealous of eric. etc. i started out making fun of him, jokin, making him jealous etc.. he played along too. then it got serious.. sigh. i feel so guilty, it's the FOURTH time... and i still had to say no. this time, i had to say no out of responsibility... but why!?!? we can never work out.. his timing is forever this lousy.. if he told me like. 10 days earlier, i wouldn't even need to think abt it. i'll just say yes. sigh.

1:33 PM | 0 possessed

Sunday, January 02, 2005

[ what's in a name? ] 

this is so amusing. it's so totally off =) every single thing.. haha~!

Tiffany (Greek)
meaning: Manifestation of God
motivation: Aspired by success
character: One who is not easily disillusioned
feelings: An emotionally strong person
intelligence: Is a prudent person
spiritual: Has faith in people
nature: Is always jovial
inherent: natural and unaffected person

3:30 PM | 0 possessed

[ i like... ] 

...the way we hold hands and we both have clammy palms
...the fact that i'm almost eye level with u when i wear heels
...that my friends have all met u and u don't mind being "exhibited", and they all approve of you.
...the way u smell, the adidas, davidoff or a mix of both and soap powder
...the fact that i can stone at ur face without feeling weird
...just sitting at pasta cafe, looking at u looking at me, without saying much
...sitting beside u on the bus with our arms linked, lying on ur shoulder when i'm tired
...leaning against u with your arm around me and ur face just beside my ear
...feeling pretty and appreciated with you, being conscious of my every movement cos i know ur eyes might be on me
...feeling cute and happy and perpetually grinning at u
...being called "babe" by you, cos every time u say it u compliment me and make me feel good abt myself
...that u're nice and understanding and very sweet to me, without being overpoweringly so cos u mix it with alot of teasing and bullying
...your lameness and spastic retorts, which never fails to amuse me
...that i can tell u everything that happened, whether it's abt u, my exes or what
...sharing chocolate cake/omelette cake/calamari with you

i like the fact that you love me..

and i think i like the fact that i love you too =p

1:00 AM | 0 possessed

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gbk

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