> Sunday, September 24, 2006 <
+ half-starved
my stupid gum is making my life miserable.. it itches like crazy, bleeds randomly, and hurt sometimes, making me suspect that 1)it's infected, and 2) the stitches have burst. it's this great fear that makes me eat reallllly carefully, barely chew but just swallow almost immediately whatever goes into my mouth, and avoid everything that my dentist told me to.. so i've been living on mainly carbs - fries, mainly. rosti, porridge, a bit of rice, bread (or burgers that i can pinch into tiny piece) i can't chew much on meat and esp MUSHROOMS. my god they're killing me -_- so.. i'm perpetually HUNGRY =( and i'm STILL craving for my green tea snowskin mooncakes =( but so DAMN utterly broke.. so... basically i'm just feeling whiny now =D STARVING!!!!! and i had a large dinner!!!!!!!!! =(
oh the dinner for eric's mum went quite well in the end.. and well, had some sudden insights on some recently occurring issues.. it never really occurred to me that life really needs alot of hard work..been taking it too easy the past 20+ years, just getting by marginally.. and then wondering (and whining) why the hell life isn't better for me.. for now, my life is in one of the low valleys.. and the only way out is to work hard from now! and quit whining!!! so a major revamp of my life (at least, the planning =p) is coming up..
yj's gone! =( she'll be back in abt 3 mths time, hopefully.. and so will the rest! my hols start in the beginning of dec, and i was thinking of getting a holiday attachment, but that'll be so sad, esp since i only have 1 mth with them.. sigh. i hate having to choose and making sacrifices!!!
oh as for sch.. woah i feel totally useless in sch and really stupid.. doesn't help that i feel no motivation WHATSOEVER to study and read my text.. and i keep ponning lectures!!!! -_- i never seem to participate in class at all cos i don't know anything so i can't contribute in group discussions, nor ask qns during presentations... AND!!! i REALLY HATE my lack of speaking skills! i TOTALLY freeze up and speedtalk through my presentations, so my grades are really quite sad now =( whywhywhywhywhy don't i have the calmness and the confidence to speak in front of pple!!!!!!!!!!! -slaps self-
a good fren was actually advising me not to go to smu (i'm planning to apply for smu law next year) assuming that they want me, of cos.. he said that ntu is better for me cos i'm able to be outstanding now, but in smu, i'll be overshadowed, and it's so competitive, so i won't be able to shine. but..but... i don't feel like i'm outstanding now.. everyone i know are much much faster on the uptake than me, and i seem to be the only one confused all the time.. not to mention how slack i am............... i feel like i'm floundering and struggling to survive now. argh. must put in more effort!!!!!!!!
such a fragmented post =p i'm STILL HUNGRY!!!!! =(
at 3:01 AM *
1 hearts dreamt
1 Comments:
Haha, sounds like you've pretty much discovered what I've found out as well - that's why I'm hoping to more productive this year since I've made such a waste of my past 20 years. (Yes, I'm 20 now! *shockhorrorfaint*) And well I probably will never be able to be as productive as I really wish I could be, at least I'm getting somewhere this time round. :p
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