+ and when the heart is set for eternity . .

> Thursday, October 27, 2005 <

+ unquestioned. unanswered.

"why did you cry"
"did you have dinner in the end"
"why were you so angry"
"is work ok"
"how was the fried rice"
"why do you suddenly feel self destructive again"

i feel hopelessly restricted.
love isn't a freedom, it's all bound by rules, regulations and reluctant compromises.
i've become estranged from everyone, everything in my life. partly because i am totally sick of explaining why i'm working now. and i'm sick of trying to evade the truth.
i really hate my life now. i hate every part of it. there is no joy anymore, only fights, tears, stress, and shallow pseudo-friendship (aka workplace-friendship).
really just want to go outside, sit down and get drenched in the rain. then i can really cry my heart out. and it doesn't matter that i've already ran out tears, the rain performs the same function.
fling myself out of the window, carve myself up. i don't know what i want to do with this.

frankly, i don't understand. sometimes, i really think i don't know anything. and i don't know whether he cares.

i'm getting all upset over their breakup too.

at 10:03 PM * 0 hearts dreamt

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