> Tuesday, April 26, 2005 <
+ growing up sucks
haha i'm too lazy to keep typing the same thing, so shall just publish an extract from my email to cheryl:
don't think i'll study in aust, no matter what.. i think. i'm not sure! i don't know! unless i can get into anu or something... so it should be uk or singapore. no idea la. very confused by what my mum said, and i kinda regret not applying to singapore unis properly. like i should have applied for ntu accountancy and smu anyway, since it's only 10 bucks per sch and not 100 like aust =) so most prob i'll be wasting 1-2 years, either retaking a's, taking a year in nus before transferring to law (if it's actually possible), or doing a foundation year (if my parents end up convincing me to take medicine). i have absolutely no urge to be a doctor. i can imagine the easy part, when i'm already a doctor, curing people, dispensing medicine and advice, kindly soul, save the world yada yada. but i can't take the blood and the stuff (i feel sick just reading diana's blog entries about lab work), and i hate chem. sigh. i think my parents think that since i'm gonna take out a loan anyway, i might as well take one with a better job prospect and pay -_-
anyway, my dad doesn't plan to come back till july, so he wants me and my mum to go there. and i might go to hawaii.. which is cool, cos sadly enough, i've never been that far before =) keep going to japan and aust only.. but then if i go it'll be for about a month.. i'll miss him =( but not like i'll be around much if i go overseas. sigh. that'll be really painful. am i stupid? if i do go abroad to study (which is likely, since i didn't get the letter from nus), i.. might break up with him. i'm no longer so naive abt love, i guess. and i definitely don't believe in a long-dist r/s, not for me. it's too difficult, and i'm too insecure. i'll die, and i have no faith in myself. haha. oh well. sigh
as i was ranting to cheryl just now, really wish we didn't have to grow up. or at least, wish we studied harder and got our As. then we won't have to separate, at least not the whole dydctee.. and create a whole slew of problems. i won't be able to come back much if i do go uk. i don't think i'll die of homesickness or anything, cos if i have to, i think i'll survive (just thinking abt how much money i'll owe the bank will erode away all of it), but i don't know if i can really get a second-class upper. i dunno i dunno i dunno i dunno i dunno. nus law was the best cos i won't have to go away then, and it's much cheaper than overseas. MUCH MUCH cheaper. but sigh. i have no chance la. getting all depressed just thinking about school.
had a long long long talk with my mum today.. which was good cos she's been screaming at me everyday the past few days, so i was all ready to run away from home. what she told me to weigh, all the pros and cons. think i really have to do it. and see what exactly can i do. sigh.
at 12:19 AM *
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