> Saturday, January 29, 2005 <
+ tiring week + half =p
it's been awhile since i've blogged.. mostly cos i come back dead tired everyday.. just eat (if i have dinner at home), slack around, talk to eric, then start dozing off at like 10+.. TEN PLUS!!! how amazing is that?! have been sleeping really early (compared to my usual 3-5am) the past week.. work is great =D it's much better then when i went to sembcorp for TAG in j1.. maybe cos i have company here at kw =) and the pple are nice.. xiuming is mad =D and i get a lift to work everyday (thankew yj!!!!) =) got a work journal, so shall just concentrate on that book =D
have been putting on so much weight that i'm really scared.. like my jeans are much tighter, and mummy said i've bloated up. AUUUGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! cny is in like 2 weeks.. i'm deathly afraid that i won't be able to fit into my new clothes (T.T) woke up one hr early on thurs to run.. felt very accomplished! =D will make sure i eat less, do crunches, and run everyday next week. and i refuse to let xm or yj coerce me into eating =) think the visiting on the 4th day will be very fun =D
ok.. updating on the week.. ended up not going to the beach on thurs.. went out with pk and yvonne in the morning.. was quite fun, but sigh. him. sigh. anyway, met dyd in orchard, then walked around.. d and d went out with chris, and i met eric for dinner.. i liked what i wore that day =D comfy but i felt not unpretty =D friday was family day, spent time with mum and dad.. the uniform party was cancelled cos cheryl and yj had class stuff..
sat was a.. mixture day. it was.. the 22nd of jan.. which has many memories.. but well. sigh. anyway, was afraid that he might do something or just try to meet me on that day, but he didn't do anything.. not sure whether it was cos he's sick, or cos he really gotten over it.. and understood. anyway, went out with eric.. his good fren's bday that night, so we went down to thumper.. felt so bloody inadequate there. everyone knew everyone, and i felt so out of place, so
young, so unpretty, so weird.. so suaku and stupid and argh just everything. think ken X 10. it was one of the worst experiences in my life. so i just sat there like an idiot, feeling bad that eric was sitting with me instead of going to sit and talk to his frens, but yet, i didn't want him to leave me there alone.. and then all the people were smoking like crazy, almost died. -_- so the only thing i could do was to keep drinking.. had two(?) screwdrivers, then.. can't remember, vodka with coke? chivas with coke? cranberry? no idea man. just kept downing things to keep myself occupied, and hoping that the alcohol would make me high and feel less inadequate. of cos, i got drunk by like 10.30. it was scary.. wasn't feeling well to begin with, so the alcohol just made me want to puke very very badly.. it was a very real fear that i would puke on the spot.. had blurry and slightly spinning vision, and i could consciously tell that the alcohol was affecting my judgement.. like i couldn't really estimate spaces and distances properly, so i could tell i'd bang into the pillars or tables. it was really scary.. felt incredibly sick. left early (and felt like such a baby to leave so early) cos it was the 100th day after my uncle's death, so we had to go to the temple in the morning, and my parents wanted me back early. it was worse after i reached home.. thank god for my cousin. mum and dad slept early (yes! thank god!) and then i was free to be as sick as i felt.. managed not to puke (though my cousin said puking it out would be better), but i really felt like dying.. had to take like hot tea and put a hot towel over my face before i could feel like i would live to see the morning after all.. my head was splitting.. and stupid eric actually thought i was ok! cos my cousin called him to scold him for making me so drunk, but he didn't know it was that bad (his excuse was that i looked perfectly fine -_-) god. i actually survived. no way will i ever let him mix my drinks.. think ladies' night drinks are more for me, with its low alcohol content. =)
went out with my cousins on sun.. watched elektra, which was actually pretty cool, cos jennifer garner is so damn cool =D the plot was quite.. flat and very confusing, but well. she's cool, and that's all that matters.. went to cheryl's house to bake at night. was really half dead when i met them.. baking is REALLY REALLY tiring.. did the scones all by myself.. i was so proud of the heart shaped wells.. made the scones look so good, esp with jam in it =D it was so pretty! =D
met him on mon.. at abt 8 for dinner.. loved my working clothes! =D gave him his shirt (very nice! =D) and scones =) he gave me a red rose (i'm really sorry, but i hate red roses.. but anyway, it's what it represents that matters =) and the fairy earrings i really wanted!!! it was so pretty!!!!! (and really expensive for a pair of silver earrings..) =D happy happy happy!
dydctee outing on thurs... was really tired, esp since yj and i had to amuse ourselves until they all came at 7+.. cheryl had to do ot, so by the time we were seated in the pasta cafe, it was 8.30++.. i liked diana's skirt!! =) proceeded to swensen's, where chris joined us.. was actually hoping to sit nearer to him, cos i wanted to see how he is in person (and whether to encourage diana or not..) but we ended up at opp ends of the tables.. was really very tired, and very very depressed about my bank account, cos the balance was much much lower than i thought it was.. was just in shock, i guess.. and trying to figure out how the money all disappeared in 2 weeks.. had to rush off, cos i had to catch the last bus and reach home before 12 (which i didn't in the end..) almost got into trouble with the parents. sigh. still feel very depressed abt the bank balance..
met eric for dinner last night.. wanted to just buy all kinds of food at the food fair in taka, but we ended up at marche.. shall eat at the food fair another time, i really wanna try the jap pizza =D feel like buying a pair of working shoes... and that red top that now costs $49, but i won't, cos the last time i asked, it was only $39, so i think they're cheating me.. feel like just buying all the stuff that i want now, since the bank balance is already so low. sigh self-destructive.
after working in kw for a week, coming into contact with all those lawyers (who are really nice =), i feel.. different. i like it like this, actually.. like i think i'm losing abit of my cheena side =) and my brain feels like it's working harder... trying to enrich myself, to dig up all the buried info stored.. so that i won't sound so stupid when i talk.. like trying to sound as intelligent and well-read as xm and yj.. mixing with these knowledgable pple made me realise.. i really have to marry someone way more intelligent than me, to command my respect =) and i feel like.. this is what i really want to be, like them. cool and intellectual, these professionals.. not having fun clubbing all the time.. i like losing my cheongster side =D i do miss wearing outside clothes, shopping and all.. but i can live without the clubbing, the degeneration of my morals and brain =D sometimes it feels abit.. weird, when we go to orchard after work, in our work clothes.. sometimes it feels as if i'm just playing dress-up, wearing those cool work clothes, when actually i'm just a kid, not knowing what to do, and pple who can tell from my kiddy face. and i feel out of place in those shops, when i wear the whole suit.. sigh. but sometimes, it's great, knowing that i've been working and enriching myself, while these pple just spend their time shopping all day.. am i turning schizo? and after doing the research for db on tues, i think.. i really want to do this kinda work, all the research, stressing myself out and skipping meals to do work.. i really can do it. i've trying to find this feeling for so long, find something i can do as a profession, that interests me.. something that i can just work through the day, skipping lunch without feeling hungry.. i need this kind of motivation.. so maybe i've found my calling, and i finally have the so-called passion for law, and not just doing it for want of better alts. all the running about in the firm, research (learning how to use the case indexes) is really fun =) i just have to learn not to freak out so much =D and with all the sitting in court, i feel like doing a little bit of litigation.. most prob not criminal litigation still =D and
definitely not conveyancing (yucks), but.. litigation seems fun! though international law is still my interest =D i love this..
at 3:16 PM *
0 hearts dreamt
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
