> Thursday, January 20, 2005 <
+ messed up
i'm messed up inside. there's something really wrong with me.
was reading this old email fab sent me, and a reply from me. he just this online test thing that he took, and i sent him dido's lyrics. but reading it made me miss him.. the comfortable feeling i had with him, the usual simple "love you la", with the "la" in it.. the way he "speaks"/types.. i just... miss him.
went out with ken today. it sucked. i hate it. hate that feeling he gives me. that i'm worthless useless unpretty imperfect. i'll never be good enough. it's a disgusting feeling. i hate it. it gets me so miserable. so i absolutely bored him.
today was supposed to be a good day. went out shopping with mummy.. bought a pair of nice black heels, a black halter, and i'm gonna buy this pink top.. she tried to get me to buy this skirt, but i didn't want.. oh yeah, i bought a bikini for tmr.. just a cheap one, think it's a lil too small.. shall bring my swimming costume anyway..
went to cheryl's house yday to bake.. was quite stoned and tired, cos of the baking.. baking's tiring cos it needs so much concentration and patience, neither of which i have.. the biscuits came out pretty good, so i decided to give some to eric too.. our $1 challenge =) my postcard to him was pretty boring, but still.. his was wonderful.. had alot of thought and effort put into it.. he got 7 pieces of paper in the 7 colours of the rainbow.. one colour per letter of my name (i never noticed that =)
tiffany =) pretty! and on each of the paper (the other side) he wrote sweet stuff.. a4 size! like.. sweet quotes, tongue-in-cheek quotes.. and guess what! he used an ee cummings poem.. diana's favourite poem!!!!! wow, that's amazingly coincidental! =D it's so sweet.. i love him.. so anyway, we went out for dinner on tues.. decided to buy him a shirt.. he tried on 3, and i liked 2 of them alot alot.. he wanted to buy both, but i stopped him =) so i could buy the other one for him =) should i buy a nice box for it? can't wait for monday.. 1st month! hopefully the 22nd will come and go without too much a problem..
went to cheryl's house on sunday.. was supposed to just drop by and pass her the driving book, but eric and i ended just joining them.. it was quite fun, all the makeup shopping.. poor eric must have been bored out of his mind, us 4 and cheryl's mum. yj and erwin and cheryl's dad joined us later.. then we proceeded to cheryl's house, with ps2, xbox and pizza =) slacking around in cheryl's room was fun, just talking, admiring daph's new double eyelids, trying out diana's new eyeliner (which wasn't nice..) i want more makeup! i want eyeliner, but i want a fine one.. liquid eyeliner? not sure what brand to buy though.. and green eyeshadow, eyebrow pencil and comb, and that uberpretty dior lip gloss [656] that colour is so nice.. the lip gloss that cheryl liked was nice..the smell (and prob the taste) was delicious, vanilla.. but the colours were too light.. clothes-wise, i'm pretty much settled.. anyway, i haven't seen anything that's really pretty nowadays.. just normal stuff..
at 2:12 AM *
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