+ and when the heart is set for eternity . .

> Thursday, December 16, 2004 <

+ a reply

to someone that will never read it.
we were never together on a sat night, which is actually very sad. 22 months. how many sat nights have i spent with u? almost none. so don't put it there, lyrical as it may sound. i left u cos of u, of how u treated me. u scare me. being in a r/s is not abt hoping everyday that things will turn better, cos it never does. nor is it abt giving in all the time, in hope that it might make things easier to bear. a hardened heart is something that's actually quite sad, u know. do u know. i'm not supposed to be there only cos u need someone there to make u feel better all the time.. i was ur gf, not ur comfort blanket. things are supposed to go both ways, not one. that's why we ended like this.. even now u still don't realise it. u're not the only one in the r/s, but selfish u could never see that. u don't need me per se. u just need someone there that u can seek solace from. yes, i believed in the miraculous power of love that would overcome all obstacles, yada blah. now i know that cynical jaded me is much more realistic and sensible, cos the past 22 months have shown that nothing can survive on love only. i don't believe, and u can't blame me, cos u're the one who's changed me into this jaded, screwed up person that i've become. i don't want to try anymore.. there's too many failed attempts that littered our time together, and hope is just something that increases ur disappointment and pain. let me heal alone. u've got me battered and bruised inside already. i'm sorry, but a chance is something i won't risk.

and as an ironic reflection of your entry?

at 11:07 PM * 0 hearts dreamt

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